The Second Time You Fall In Love

By Ryan O'Connell

"The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.

The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and wariness. “My ex never liked broccoli. Why the hell does this one eat so much broccoli?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very jarring. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and in dire need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a bout of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? I think it starts with us having a moment together in some coffee shop, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a bike though. You never really forget.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a cameo at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after awhile.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you will hopefully have better sex. Do not quote me on this.

The second time you fall in love with someone will still be exciting and you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. It will feel more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making coffee for each other in the morning and maybe even getting a dog. “This is my dog, Xan. I got him with the second person I fell in love with because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would’ve killed a dog.”

The second time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The second time can involve some amazing love."

Count Your Blessings

It's so easy to get caught up in so many of life's issues and obstacles. We often stress out about school, work, money... relationships.

We find ourselves captivated and all caught up in the daily stresses of dealing with these issues that we forget to stop and appreciate the truly important and irreplaceable people in our lives... our friends.

Our closest, dearest, most treasured friends who seem too good and too big for such a simple word. They're not just friends. They're family. In fact, mine have become more than just family. They have become a part of me.

It's very easy to get hung up on the bad things, but at the very least, count your blessings. Always try to count your blessings.

I'm truly a believer in quality over quantity; and while I have a large group of friends who I truly enjoying being around, there are three women in my life whom I simply cannot imagine being without.

These three ladies know me inside and out and love me anyways. They are all collectively here for me whenever I need them and all three bring different loving characteristics to the table.

I really cannot remember my life without these three girls and I don't care to try. It's funny. We have mothers day, fathers day, valentines day... well, today I'm celebrating you three.

Celebrating and thanking you. In just one day, I've been lucky to talk to all three of you separately and have felt stronger and happier after talking to each one.

I don't know what I did to deserve such amazing friends but I count myself as one lucky person to have found them. All three of you are deeply embedded in who I am and I love you for it!

One or All

"Since birth modern women have been told that we can do and be anything we want, be an astronaut, the head of an internet company, a stay-at-home mom. There aren't any rules any more. Choices are endless. And apparently, they can all be delivered right to your door. But is it possible that we've gotten so spoiled by choices that we've become unable to make one? That part of us knows that once you choose something, one man, one great apartment, one amazing job, another option goes away? Are we a generation of women who can't choose just one from column 'A'? Did we all have too much to handle, or was Samantha right? Can we have it all?"

- Sex and the City

Overplayed

You know the feeling...

You're driving in your car and a song comes on the radio that you've never heard before. Its unique rhythm catches your attention. The instrumentals are perfect for your current mood.

You turn it up. Now you can hear the lyrics. Wow, what an incredible verse. Boom. Then the chorus hits you. It's perfect. You wouldn't change a single word.

The next verse finishes and you're starting to type a reminder in your phone to download this song as soon as you get home.

Swing open your door, quickly open your computer, google the lyrics, find the song, youtube the video. Hit that beautiful button: download.

The download takes a few minutes and your anticipation to hear the song again is growing wildly. There it is... finally, in your iTunes.

Play. Enjoy. Repeat.

Play. Enjoy. Pick out your favourite line. Repeat.

Play. Enjoy. Sing your favourite line. Post your favourite line on Twitter or Facebook. Repeat.

Play. Enjoy. Sing the whole song out loud. Send it to a friend. Put on your iPod. Play in car. Play while working out. Play while eating dinner. Play before going to sleep. Play when you wake up. Play when you brush your teeth , comb your hair, get ready for school, while waiting in line. You play this new song so often because you just can't get enough of it.

You love how you discovered it before anyone else did. You love how it's lyrics mean something special to you right now. You love the beat, tempo, flow.

Maybe you even tried listening to some other songs but none of them were as currently satisfying to you as this new one.

But then it happens.

You press play... it starts... and just a few beats into your song a new emotion emerges. You want to skip it. You've heard it too much. It doesn't give you that heart-race it once did. It doesn't make you want to blast it in your car. It doesn't give you goosebumps. Yes, unfortunately it has been - like so many others - overplayed.

Overplayed. Excessive.

How many times have we overdone something? Whether it's finding out a new favourite recipe, food, television show, trend, fad... What is it with so many people excessively over indulging?

Just like the song... when we find something good, it's as if we can't get enough of that good thing. There is no satisfaction. There is no rest. Until it all becomes too much and the entire ideal has been exhausted.

Why do we do it? We know that once we have the song downloaded we can listen to it whenever we want, yet we want to listen to it as much as possible to the point where it's very sound irritates us. This goes for food, relationships, entertainment.

People like to rush. People like to obsess.

Is it worth it? Will people ever understand that time is our friend? Or will they make the same mistake again with the next song they suddenly discover they love?

Will they repeat the same steps all over again?

Play. Enjoy. Appreciate a new track. Take sometime. Repeat.

Yes, it may be hard not to repeat the song at first. It's new and exciting and hey, I can't blame you for wanting more. Taking it slow, however, will surely play off when a month from now you still want to listen to that song, eat that food, wear that outfit, etc.

Impact

Yesterday I was serving about 4 tables at once. I despised one table, two of the others were alright and one table (with two young women, maybe late 20's) made my night so much better.

I'd never seen either of them before but they were so bubbly and happy and made a point to make conversation with me (which is always appreciated as a server.) They asked me how my night was going, asked me what kind of lipgloss I was wearing because they thought it was amazing and then they proceeded to tell me that they thought I was nice looking.

I may never see these girls again in my life but they effected me last night. That was so unnecessarily nice of them to make the effort to talk to me, to compliment me, to make me feel good.

Little acts of kindness are so rare in this day and age. They should be treasured. Holding the door open for a stranger, helping someone pick up something they dropped, offering directions to someone lost, sincerely asking how someone is feeling... smiling.

This can be a cold world and you can walk through it aimlessly in a fog for days. And then... there it is. Something, someone to bring you back and make you smile.

The thing about these little encounters is that often people do not even know they're affecting or even impacting this person.

I'm sure many of us have held doors open, smiled, offered assistance to people... and who knows? Maybe you impacted that person. Maybe they were lost. Maybe they were in a fog. Maybe you really helped them in more ways you thought you did.

By the end of their meal, the two girls thanked me for such nice service and within earshot from me briefly discussed amongst themselves how they're happy they told me they liked my lipgloss.

"Well, everyone she served tonight was probably looking at her lips and thinking they're gorgeous and sparkly and I bet no one said anything. Now, at least she knows that people admire them!" one girl said to the other.

Impact.

They didn't have to say anything. They didn't have to smile or ask how my day was going. They didn't know I was having a rough day. They didn't expect a free meal or discount out of it. They didn't think I'd be writing about them in my blog the next day.

But they did it anyway.

I'm grateful for their impact. It is treasured.

I Believe

It's so easy to be cynical in this world.

People can walk around with hatred, jealousy, scepticism, doubt for days, weeks, months even years.

Maybe you'd experienced too many heart-breaks, let-downs, pit-falls... It's so easy to give up on it all. It is so easy to write everything off and say you're done with it all. Done with an old friend. Done with having faith, keeping faith. Done with love. Done with putting yourself out there.

Maybe I was skeptical. I know I was cynical about certain ideals for a while there. But I'm done with that now. Be who you want to be. Believe what you want.

If you think something can happen make it happen. If you want to put all of your feelings out there for someone or for yourself or for whoever just do it.

I went through a period of doubt where I thought that certain things in life were just impossible or fake or unachievable. How could I have felt so many pleasant feelings at one point in the past and have them suddenly stop dead in their tracks? After this happened I briefly decided that certain things were temporary. Nothing could last forever. I became an ice woman.

This wasn't me though. I'm not cold. I'm not emotionless. I do have feelings and I want to feel again. I shut out a lot of feelings and maybe hurt some people along the way and for that I'm sorry. I truly believe that to live fully you have to act on your emotions. I tried convincing myself of certain things but now those walls are down.

Be passionate.

Be spontaneous.

Be miraculous.

Feel.

Show your true self.

Say what you want.

Love.

Life is so short. To quote one of my favourite movies, Now and Then: "Well Samantha... Things will happen in your life that you can't stop... But that's no reason to shut out the world... There's a purpose for the good and for the bad... "

Sure, wearing your heart on your sleeve and truly believing in things may seem foolish to some people. Maybe dangerous. Maybe dumb. But I'm back to me now. And I don't think it's foolish. Or dangerous. Or dumb. I think it's brave. And courageous. And romantic.

This believer is back.

Thank you =)

Writer's Block

I've been wanting to start up my blog again. I wanted to come back with a bang. I wanted to create a post that would have people exclaim, "my God. I've missed Mel's blog!"

I started a few posts and then stopped half way through. They're saved as drafts.

I can't seem to think up an idea... something to get my fingers typing insanely fast upon my keys like they once did when I was on a role. I can't seem to think of clever lines or intriguing ideas that literally get my heart racing.

...

...

So here I sit in my bed. Staring blankly at the screen and occasionally at my surroundings without a single idea.

I suppose much like other events in life, a blog needs coaxing. It needs inspiration. I feel I need to get some practice in before really writing a great post. This saddens me because I feel there once was a time when I was on a role. There was a time when I could write a post every day.

I feel like I'm back at the beginning and I need to start all over again. Sort of like those people who start working out all the time... lose a bunch of weight... feel great about themselves and then the holidays hit... the holidays turn into a few extra months and BAM. They're back at the beginning. Going back to the gym feels bitter sweet. Good to be back. But they know that they appear as if they've never stepped foot in a gym before. But they have. They have worked out here before. They have made a difference. It's just a matter of reconnecting with that person. Reconnecting with that devotion and passion.

I'm not saying I'm not enjoying writing this again. I just need to rediscover my rhythm.

I need to get back in touch with my creative side. I need to exercise and just write.

So here it is. My first blog post of 2012. It's not fantastic but it's a start. And I think that's all I need for now.

I'm starting to run.