Relationships

I want to express here that I'm not against relationships.

I don't have negative feelings about relationships. We are free to do what we want, when we want and that is marvellous. So if being in a relationship makes you happy, then I am so happy for you. And if being single makes you happy, then I am so happy for you.

I was speaking with someone a few days ago and we joked about "my take" on relationships...

I thought this was hilarious. And still feel it was a funny joke however, I was thinking about my real take on relationships today and think that maybe I should clear up that I'm not really against relationships. At all.

I think love is one of the very best things in the world. It's one of the only forms of magic that doesn't involve any tricks or spells and is completely real. It's pure. It's comforting, thrilling, stomach-flipping, "reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff." And that's nothing to scoff at. Someone who refuses to love is probably scared to. Give them time. They'll come around.

So now I've got to thinking about myself and how I may have sounded to others for the past several years. And perhaps it's my own fault for creating the confusion. I've said things like "I'm not a relationship person anymore" and that's not entirely true. If the right person comes along and has me swept completely off my feet and I know that in my heart, this is right then I will be in a relationship. I will be more than happy and more than willing to put my entire self into that relationship and give him every part of me from my heart to my home, my family, friends, advice, shoulder, love, tenderness... I'll give him everything. You see, I may sound cold or even heartless by saying things like "no relationships for me right now" but I'm still a hopeless romantic. I'm still a person who believes in love. In true love.

And perhaps the reason why I have shied away from relationships in the past, or the reason I get that claustrophobic feeling when I think I'm giving someone the wrong idea is because I simply know that it's not right.

I'd like to believe that it won't take looking at other people's relationships to prove that I can be in a relationship. Rather, it will take the man that will be worth it. I'm not going to be in relationships that I know just aren't the right fit. It wouldn't be fair to me, nor the other person. And that's something I'll say I'm against. I'm against two people being in something that is damaging towards them.

I'd also like to think that something will just click one day. That things will fall into place and that what's meant to be is truly meant to be and will be. And maybe that sounds too simple, or too cliche... but hey. I told you I'm still a hopeless romantic.

Last Day of School

Tomorrow is my last day of school.

It is also the first time I'll be saying that without knowing I'll be back at school after summer vacation. I have such a mix of emotions inside of me right now that it is truly impossible for me to explain everything I'm feeling in words.

Surreal seems like one of the most appropriate word choices to describe my feelings towards this chapter's ending.

There had been many long nights, days, wee hours of the mornings when I'd cursed school to no end. There were essays I dreaded writing and exams that I walked into with the utmost terror (not to mention messy bun, bags under my eyes, sweatpants and hoodie attire.)

As a well-practiced procrastinator, many of my essay-related experiences involved me... My bedroom. My two best friends on Skype (you know who you are.) At least five cups of espresso. Facebook. YouTube. Papers. Notes. Garbage can full of notes. My nearby clock (ever-so politely displaying hour after excruciating hour pass by.) Some tears. Many body stretches. Many long glances around my room which turned into daydreams which often turned into two-three minute naps. I can't forget the glorious sunrise in all of this. Because I'd be lying if I said that most of my work was not completed (or in the final stages of completion) with the motivation of that beautiful sun rising. It is here where I thank my printer for pulling through. It is my belief that few people know the true pleasure of hitting the "Print" button until they've been through university.

Then there were the exams. Hours and hours of lectures, homework and studying widdled down into a two hour exam that really mostly tests your ability to control your nerves in such a case and remember just about... well, everything.

Lectures. There were certain lectures that I've blocked and erased from my mind completely. Lectures that were about two hours and 45 minutes too long. Lectures where I recorded about one line of notes but successfully organized my iTunes library, or pulled off a silent skype conversation with a friend, or beat eight consecutive solitaire games in a row, or even lectures where I spent most of my time texting and flirting with a certain someone.

So all this complaining. I should be happy to go. I should be running out the doors. Right? But as I sit here at 2:45 in the morning thinking about how this may be the last time I express, "I should get to bed soon... I have an early class" I also think about the good experiences, too.

I remember the first really, really good essay I ever wrote. It was in my Mass Communications class in first year. It was about Barbie and how I supported her rather than tear her down like most others do. I loved that essay and damn, I did well on it. I remember by first Public Relations class with Richard and how everything he described in that class seemed to scream, "Meltab!" I remember the reassuring feeling I felt that day - like I was on the right track or something.

While I can't really put my finger on a "fun" exam, I do chuckle thinking about some of the stresses I went through prior to some midterms. Frantically texting with classmates... desperately flipping through notes after notes and units after units trying to discover what certain terms meant... I also remember that feeling of finally being able to flip over the exam booklet and quickly skim the questions in the exam. I loved the feeling I'd get when I knew answers... recognized words and terms...

Yes, some lectures were difficult to get through but I'd have to say that most of them were pretty great. I was lucky to have quite a few professors who are true gems and I'll remember those special ones forever probably. I loved when our whole class would get involved in a deep discussion. As a group of public relations students, we tend to be a vocal crowd. Yes, there were definitely some lash-outs and probably name-callings along the way, but when these moments happened they always made class exciting.

I suppose one of the things I'll miss most about being a student is this lifestyle. The very lifestyle I sometimes hated. The very lifestyle that kept me up and caused countless all-nighters. The very lifestyle that caused me to step out of my house looking like a zombie. The very lifestyle that had made me repeat to myself so many times... "just three more years..." "just two more years, you're half way..." "just one more year, you're almost done..." to... tonight. "One more day."

The "school" aspect of school has definitely played it's hand, but being a student has also been all I've known my whole life. After tomorrow, I will no longer be a student. I'll eventually be an intern and then one day an employee... or a traveller or a blogger or an owner or... something.

I don't know. I do not know what the future holds and I suppose that is one of the thrilling parts of all this, too. Throughout my whole life I've always been a student and always left school knowing I'd soon be back to continue being a student. That chapter will be over by tomorrow at 3:20 pm and a new adventurous one will begin. It's scary, exiting, sad, satisfying, gratifying... surreal.

So here's to the last of so many blog posts I've written in the middle of the night, instead of doing other things (like sleeping) to better prepare myself for school tomorrow. Thank you so much for reading and being a part of this night and perhaps all the others you have read about.

Here's to this past chapter. Here's to school and being lucky enough to attend it.

And better yet... here's to the next chapter.

Can Men and Women be Friends...

It's the age-old question: Can men and women be friends?

This question seems to date back for quite some time and I feel that although certain people have managed to make a platonic man/woman relationship work this particular kind of relationship continues to be somewhat of a grey zone and somewhat of a struggle.

In one of my favourite movies of all time, When Harry Met Sally, Harry simply states that men and women cannot be friends.

Please watch:

What defines a friend?

Someone who you enjoy spending time with; someone who you care for and who cares for you;someone who is there for you and vice versa.

There. Simple. We've defined friends in the simplest terms.

Perhaps the tricky part of men/women friendships is when a member of the friendship becomes involved with someone else. Suddenly there is an elephant in the room - and not just on the friendship end but for the intimate relationship side as well.

Boyfriends and girlfriends (though they may smile and make as though they're totally fine with the friendship) will undoubtedly have a strong curiosity about the "relationship" that their other half has with this opposite sex friend.

When the romantic relationship is new and fragile this friendship may not pose a problem, but as partners get more comfortable with one another and suddenly one is saying to their girlfriend: "Hey hun, tonight I'm going to go out with Claire and see a movie," believe me... a fist has (perhaps slightly) but most definitely clenched.

"Why does he want to spend time with her and not me?" "What is he doing with her that he can't do with me?" "If he's going to be doing something girly, or watching a chick flick, shouldn't he be doing it with me?"

Of course the situation is quite identical in a vice versa situation. If a female chooses to spend the night with a guy friend instead of her boyfriend I'm sure there are particular thoughts running through the boyfriend's mind that do not sit well.

So where does this leave us? Is it okay to have a friend of the opposite sex until one is suddenly in a relationship? Is there a loop hole to this problem that doesn't involve gay friends of opposite sex?

In When Harry Met Sally, the movie cuts to five years later when Harry and Sally run into each other again and he attempts to come up with an amendment to his first rule about men and women not being friends:

I suppose there is yet to be a known answer about this situation, at least from this particular blogger.

What if Harry is right and the sex part is always out there between men and women? Can a straight man and a straight woman really and truly have a platonic relationship where feelings of lust and jealousy cease to exist?

If so, what ingredients do these types of men/women friendships require? Does one friend have to be ugly? Do both friends have to be in a relationship? Does age play a factor? Do hang-outs have to include more than just the two friends?

Perhaps the answer is to try to block out these questions and just have a good time with a friend that you thoroughly enjoy being around. And until boyfriends, girlfriends and unavoidable questions come along just take pleasure in knowing you've got a Harry... or a Sally.

Distance makes the Heart Grow Fonder

There's that feeling... that familiar feeling of knowing you're going on vacation.

As the days approach to your getaway you suddenly can't stand your house. You've got to get out of here. Got to get where the grass is greener.

While this anticipation and rush can be great and exhillerating - and even last almost the entire trip - the thought of returning home as the end of your vacation approaches slowly but surely strengthens.

You want to get home. You miss the usual. You miss the routine. You miss your bed, your food, your regular clothes, your comfort.

Funny how distance makes the heart grow fonder... and perhaps in more ways then one.

What if we applied the vacation scenario to relationships? What if we suddenly feel an itch to be "less available" to our significant other? What if suddenly we seek a bit of distance? To "test the greener grass" if you will.

This time it doesn't seem as simple. We can't just hop on a plane and travel to somewhere new. This is more tricky. This is more touchy. This is way more risky. In fact, the thought seems taboo.

But what if you've got too much of a good thing? What if you need to step back to access?

The most frightening thought I suppose, would be that one chooses, in fact, to travel to a new place.... chooses to test the waters... chooses to step onto new grass... and just when they start to miss that homey feeling, they realize they don't have the option of a return ticket.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. Well, just how far can we go?

Is Talk Cheap?

Throughout the day we hear so much that sometimes it is difficult to decipher what is real and what is fake. What is true and what is false. What is significant and what is ... "blah blah blah."

"I'm sorry" "I hate you" "I love you" "You suck" "You're the best"

How many of these sayings that so commonly fill our ears can we take to heart - if any at all? And is there a way to figure out what is the truth?

After contemplating this idea for a number of days I suppose there isn't a true way. I mean, even lie-detectors aren't capable of fully telling if something is a lie or not. Perhaps our only judge could be our head... or even our heart.

Decisions, decisions

We make so many decisions everyday.

Cereal or toast?

Stop at the yellow light or gun it?

Buy lunch when you know you shouldn't... or satisfy your craving?

Stay at school to work in the library or just go home to your room?

Start essay or watch another episode of Sex and the City?

How many of these decisions we make everyday stop us in our tracks and have us think logically?

Perhaps if yesterday, I'd chosen toast, I wouldn't have spilled milk from my cereal across the kitchen floor causing me to clean and delay my day by 15 minutes...

Perhaps if I'd just gunned the yellow light I'd have arrived at class on time and not had to take the chair that was broken which has consequently given me a back pain...

Perhaps if I'd have listened to my gut instinct and not boughten the tuna wrap at lunch, I'd have had $10 extra dollars in my "in case of emergency" pocket...

Perhaps if I'd stayed at school to work in the library, I'd have finished my essay...

Perhaps if I'd actually started the essay instead of watching three episodes of SATC, I'd be done by now... not still procrastinating to write the stupid thing!

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps....

Perhaps all of that would have been more efficient... but I did enjoy my cereal, my wrap, my song at the red light, my non-traffic drive home, my cozy room alongside my sleeping dog and who couldn't use a few good SATC episodes once in a while?

Good decisions, different decisions, hard decisions... perhaps there are no wrong ones.

Aren't you glad I made the decision to write this post instead of my essay? Ricky?

Do You Believe in Magic?

I love Halloween Time. As I child, the festivities of Halloween excited me for two reasons: I loved dressing up and... I loved candy. While these two aspects still excite me, I've begun yearning for something else as I've gotten older.

Is there such thing as magic?

Do witches and wizards really exist? True Harry Potter fans will argue that of course there must be such thing as magic. Somewhere out there (and how we wish we could just find that map) there is a Hogwarts, a Forbidden Forest, a Flourish and Bolts, a Ministry of Magic and even a Burrow.

There are different magical realms that entice me as well. Sabrina the Teenage Witch's magical standards could suit me just fine! Having a talking pet, a closet that could take me anywhere and magical powers through my fingers would be so handy. (Let's face it, the wand seems more annoying than helpful most of the time.)

Then you've got Samantha Stephens from Bewitched who owns the incredibly adorable nose twitch. Wiggle wiggle and... ta da! A beautiful turkey dinner is set before your husband and aunt in a mere blink of an eye.

Many movies and television shows have centered around the idea of witchcraft for one sole reason: it amuses us. It amuses us to no end! Our imaginations go wild thinking of endless possibilities that magical powers have to offer. Many of those reading this may think that this post is completely silly, but on a night like tonight, before Hallow's Eve, I can't help but wonder if this form of magic really does exist.

To quote the Lovin' Spoonful: Do You Believe in Magic?

Regardless of your beliefs, I wish everyone a very safe Happy Halloween!