Relationships

I want to express here that I'm not against relationships.

I don't have negative feelings about relationships. We are free to do what we want, when we want and that is marvellous. So if being in a relationship makes you happy, then I am so happy for you. And if being single makes you happy, then I am so happy for you.

I was speaking with someone a few days ago and we joked about "my take" on relationships...

I thought this was hilarious. And still feel it was a funny joke however, I was thinking about my real take on relationships today and think that maybe I should clear up that I'm not really against relationships. At all.

I think love is one of the very best things in the world. It's one of the only forms of magic that doesn't involve any tricks or spells and is completely real. It's pure. It's comforting, thrilling, stomach-flipping, "reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff." And that's nothing to scoff at. Someone who refuses to love is probably scared to. Give them time. They'll come around.

So now I've got to thinking about myself and how I may have sounded to others for the past several years. And perhaps it's my own fault for creating the confusion. I've said things like "I'm not a relationship person anymore" and that's not entirely true. If the right person comes along and has me swept completely off my feet and I know that in my heart, this is right then I will be in a relationship. I will be more than happy and more than willing to put my entire self into that relationship and give him every part of me from my heart to my home, my family, friends, advice, shoulder, love, tenderness... I'll give him everything. You see, I may sound cold or even heartless by saying things like "no relationships for me right now" but I'm still a hopeless romantic. I'm still a person who believes in love. In true love.

And perhaps the reason why I have shied away from relationships in the past, or the reason I get that claustrophobic feeling when I think I'm giving someone the wrong idea is because I simply know that it's not right.

I'd like to believe that it won't take looking at other people's relationships to prove that I can be in a relationship. Rather, it will take the man that will be worth it. I'm not going to be in relationships that I know just aren't the right fit. It wouldn't be fair to me, nor the other person. And that's something I'll say I'm against. I'm against two people being in something that is damaging towards them.

I'd also like to think that something will just click one day. That things will fall into place and that what's meant to be is truly meant to be and will be. And maybe that sounds too simple, or too cliche... but hey. I told you I'm still a hopeless romantic.

The Second Time You Fall In Love

By Ryan O'Connell

"The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.

The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and wariness. “My ex never liked broccoli. Why the hell does this one eat so much broccoli?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very jarring. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and in dire need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a bout of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? I think it starts with us having a moment together in some coffee shop, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a bike though. You never really forget.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a cameo at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after awhile.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you will hopefully have better sex. Do not quote me on this.

The second time you fall in love with someone will still be exciting and you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. It will feel more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making coffee for each other in the morning and maybe even getting a dog. “This is my dog, Xan. I got him with the second person I fell in love with because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would’ve killed a dog.”

The second time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The second time can involve some amazing love."

Count Your Blessings

It's so easy to get caught up in so many of life's issues and obstacles. We often stress out about school, work, money... relationships.

We find ourselves captivated and all caught up in the daily stresses of dealing with these issues that we forget to stop and appreciate the truly important and irreplaceable people in our lives... our friends.

Our closest, dearest, most treasured friends who seem too good and too big for such a simple word. They're not just friends. They're family. In fact, mine have become more than just family. They have become a part of me.

It's very easy to get hung up on the bad things, but at the very least, count your blessings. Always try to count your blessings.

I'm truly a believer in quality over quantity; and while I have a large group of friends who I truly enjoying being around, there are three women in my life whom I simply cannot imagine being without.

These three ladies know me inside and out and love me anyways. They are all collectively here for me whenever I need them and all three bring different loving characteristics to the table.

I really cannot remember my life without these three girls and I don't care to try. It's funny. We have mothers day, fathers day, valentines day... well, today I'm celebrating you three.

Celebrating and thanking you. In just one day, I've been lucky to talk to all three of you separately and have felt stronger and happier after talking to each one.

I don't know what I did to deserve such amazing friends but I count myself as one lucky person to have found them. All three of you are deeply embedded in who I am and I love you for it!

I Believe

It's so easy to be cynical in this world.

People can walk around with hatred, jealousy, scepticism, doubt for days, weeks, months even years.

Maybe you'd experienced too many heart-breaks, let-downs, pit-falls... It's so easy to give up on it all. It is so easy to write everything off and say you're done with it all. Done with an old friend. Done with having faith, keeping faith. Done with love. Done with putting yourself out there.

Maybe I was skeptical. I know I was cynical about certain ideals for a while there. But I'm done with that now. Be who you want to be. Believe what you want.

If you think something can happen make it happen. If you want to put all of your feelings out there for someone or for yourself or for whoever just do it.

I went through a period of doubt where I thought that certain things in life were just impossible or fake or unachievable. How could I have felt so many pleasant feelings at one point in the past and have them suddenly stop dead in their tracks? After this happened I briefly decided that certain things were temporary. Nothing could last forever. I became an ice woman.

This wasn't me though. I'm not cold. I'm not emotionless. I do have feelings and I want to feel again. I shut out a lot of feelings and maybe hurt some people along the way and for that I'm sorry. I truly believe that to live fully you have to act on your emotions. I tried convincing myself of certain things but now those walls are down.

Be passionate.

Be spontaneous.

Be miraculous.

Feel.

Show your true self.

Say what you want.

Love.

Life is so short. To quote one of my favourite movies, Now and Then: "Well Samantha... Things will happen in your life that you can't stop... But that's no reason to shut out the world... There's a purpose for the good and for the bad... "

Sure, wearing your heart on your sleeve and truly believing in things may seem foolish to some people. Maybe dangerous. Maybe dumb. But I'm back to me now. And I don't think it's foolish. Or dangerous. Or dumb. I think it's brave. And courageous. And romantic.

This believer is back.

Thank you =)

can you make a mistake and miss your fate?

At a time when I've been feeling confused in many aspects of my life it is so comforting to have stumbled upon my very, very, very favourite quote of all time. Thank you.

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away." - Sex and the City

sleepy

I've been going off just few hours of sleep for the past little while; today I'm especially tired.

There are weeks when we simply anticipate the weekend, and then there are days - like today - when we're on our knees begging for it to come.

Enjoy this tune. It's my absolute favourite. Let it take you away to wherever you want to be this evening. At home, at a friends, at an event, at a place of understanding - or even the weekend...

Distance makes the Heart Grow Fonder

There's that feeling... that familiar feeling of knowing you're going on vacation.

As the days approach to your getaway you suddenly can't stand your house. You've got to get out of here. Got to get where the grass is greener.

While this anticipation and rush can be great and exhillerating - and even last almost the entire trip - the thought of returning home as the end of your vacation approaches slowly but surely strengthens.

You want to get home. You miss the usual. You miss the routine. You miss your bed, your food, your regular clothes, your comfort.

Funny how distance makes the heart grow fonder... and perhaps in more ways then one.

What if we applied the vacation scenario to relationships? What if we suddenly feel an itch to be "less available" to our significant other? What if suddenly we seek a bit of distance? To "test the greener grass" if you will.

This time it doesn't seem as simple. We can't just hop on a plane and travel to somewhere new. This is more tricky. This is more touchy. This is way more risky. In fact, the thought seems taboo.

But what if you've got too much of a good thing? What if you need to step back to access?

The most frightening thought I suppose, would be that one chooses, in fact, to travel to a new place.... chooses to test the waters... chooses to step onto new grass... and just when they start to miss that homey feeling, they realize they don't have the option of a return ticket.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. Well, just how far can we go?

Pain

After watching Valentine's Day last night with my girlfriends I got to thinking about pain, suffering, knowledge and outcome.

When we were little, it didn't matter how many times our parents would tell us not to do something. "Don't rock on your chair," "Don't jump on the bed," "Stop eating sand!"

No matter how many times our parents would advise us to stop doing something stupid, we only ceased to stop once we'd been hurt: once our chair flipped backwards, once we fell head-first off the bed, once we choked on a seashell.

What makes us ignore advice until we figure it out the hard way?

Is it curiosity, stubbornness or plain stupidity?

The same applies for friends in dead-end relationships. "Don't call him back," "Don't let him talk to you like that," "He will hurt you again."

We tend to advise our friends as much as we can to save them from pain. In fact, we go to great lengths: threatening to cut their boyfriend's balls off, taking our friends' phones away, being totally harsh and honest with our friends... through repetition we become frustrated.

Why don't people listen?

In the movie last night, Ashton Kutcher advised his best friend not to hop on a plane to surprise her boyfriend because he had recently found out that he was married.

After her best friend told her he had witnessed this infidelity with his own eyes, she chose to go anyway.

Why?

Why put yourself through it all when somewhere, deep, deep down you know that all of this pain and suffering is just prolonging an ugly fate?

Perhaps it is the curiosity that resides in almost every human. Perhaps without pain or suffering we wouldn't realize how lucky we are when we do find something good.

Perhaps we must lose to win. We must learn the hard way.

I can pretty much guarantee that when ten good friends are telling one friend not to date a certain someone anymore she will mentally block out every single thing they say... until she is ready.

Until she's been hurt enough. Until there is absolute sufficient damage done.

So while everyone is on their own time and may have to contrive quite a few more bumps and bruises along the way, one of the most difficult parts of the whole pain/suffer experience may be having to watch your friend go through it.

While our friend will eventually understand that their relationship is in the ruins, we must understand that this process may be long and that it is now more than ever that they need us the most.

Listen Learn Love

Vlove Vlog!

Is Talk Cheap?

Throughout the day we hear so much that sometimes it is difficult to decipher what is real and what is fake. What is true and what is false. What is significant and what is ... "blah blah blah."

"I'm sorry" "I hate you" "I love you" "You suck" "You're the best"

How many of these sayings that so commonly fill our ears can we take to heart - if any at all? And is there a way to figure out what is the truth?

After contemplating this idea for a number of days I suppose there isn't a true way. I mean, even lie-detectors aren't capable of fully telling if something is a lie or not. Perhaps our only judge could be our head... or even our heart.

Romantic Comedies

After watching "It's Complicated" at the theatre with my very best friend, and absolute favourite person in the world to watch movies with, my mom and I decided we quite enjoyed this gentle, sweet flick.

It made us laugh, made us cry, made us sympathize. It also made me do something I always, always find myself doing after watching a romantic comedy: get creative.

Not just creative with writing or drawing or that sort of thing. But becoming creative with myself.

Who am I?

What do I like to do? What don't I like to do?

Could I relate to any of those characters? Could I see myself in their shoes, with their jobs and their life style? What kind of character would I be in a movie?

I came home tonight and began asking my mom a series of questions:

"Could you see me as a chef?"

"Remember when I wanted to be a chef?" [Insert imaging myself running a restaurant... not a horribly awful idea... in fact, it pleasurably amuses me.]

"Mom, could you see me being as good an actress as Meryl Streep?"

As my mom answers in the affirmative and begins explaining why, I silently pretend to act. I pretend I'm angry at my child. Then I pretended I was just proposed to out of the blue to someone I had recently cheated on.

My mind races through many thoughts of different ideals and I begin to yearn for paper... or a napkin! Just anything to write on. I want to write these thoughts down. Like a writer of a movie... let's capture this character in the moment!

Long story short... here I am. Writing this out. Just sharing my feelings. Perhaps one day after I finish watching When Harry Met Sally or You've Got Mail and I have this same exact feeling, I'll come back to this post and re-read it.

Yes... I feel creative. Let's work on me. Let's do something to create finer detail on me. I'm like a character in a movie... or a really good book.

... and I pretend... I pretend everyone wants to get to know me.

Christmas Favourite ♥ Tree

There is something so beautifully magical about the

Christmas Tree.

Every year, after putting up and decorating our tree, I always state that it should be there all year long. Christmas trees add so much happiness and joyfulness to a house and they are just simply fascinating to look at.

Over the years my family has collected quite the variety of Christmas ornaments...

There are the breath-taking glass ornaments which my mom bought a few years ago (when she trusted my brother and I were old enough to not break them)...

There are the cute little matching Santa Clauses, Reindeer, Snowmen and Drummer Boys...

And my favourite: the raggedy-looking ornaments which my brother and I made when we were younger. These ornaments aren't quite as expensive or uniformed as the others, but they hold a special place in our hears. Popcycle sticks, construction paper, ribbon and glue were all the materials we needed as kids to make us feel that amazing boost of pride as we placed our homemade ornaments on our tree.

I love the twinkle lights upon the tree that create a lovely glow throughout our family room, and I especially love the angel who sits upon the top of the tree that was picked out many years ago by my mom and her mom. Each year, I feel like the angel is watching over us which creates a very comfortable and cherished feeling.

Yes, I do think that our house would feel much merrier if this tree was around all year long. However, perhaps it is knowing that it is only in our home for about 35 days of the year that makes us truly appreciate the magic that the Christmas Tree creates.

Christmas Favourite ♥ Beauty

My Christmas Love

As the month of December begins I am filled with the familiar feeling of love, peace and joy.

This month has always been my favourite and practically anyone who has ever met me, or seen me during the Christmas Festivities surely knows that that is true.

While going out for a dog-walk last night, my brother asked me what it is I love so much about Christmas. A smile grew upon my face... my heart began to race... my steps became lighter and my eyes almost filled with anxious, happy tears.

What do I love so much about Christmas?

Everything.

Now, instead of sharing all of the things I love about my favourite time of year in just one post... I intend to start a little Christmas diary on my blog during this magical month.

It is my hope and plan that each day I will write about something I love about Christmas. Short, long, goofy, heart-warming, kooky... I intend to share all of the things I find magical during the happiest time of year.

Please feel free to provide me with feedback throughout the month! I'd love to hear your stories and if you follow any of the same traditions my family and I do!

Christmastime Officially Here

How to Marry a Millionare

After watching How to Marry a Millionare three times in the past two weeks, I've found myself recklessly in love with the movie.

This romantic comedy, made in 1953, was never one of my most favourite Marilyn Monroe movies, but seemed innocently sweet enough to buy a few years ago. Up until several weeks ago, I'd only watched it twice and never quite noted just how lovely a movie it truly is.

A story about three women looking to marry millionaires in order to rid themselves of debts and other financial issues blossoms into an adorably classic plot. Schatze, the wiser of the three ladies, steams up a brilliant plan to make millionaires fall in love with each of the girls, so that they will soon marry and live the luxurious lives they wanted ever so much.

One thing stood in their way however: love.

Love does conquer all - especially in this movie, as each girl ends up falling head over heels over what they perceive to be blue collar, average-Joe's.

As much as the girls planned and hoped to fall in love with someone who could rid them of their financial difficulties, they end up finding men who fill their hearts with joy - instead of their bank accounts with money.

This movie though made decades ago, shadows the same unrealistic dreams of the Perfect Man women hope for. Women today are still planning and hoping to fall in love with a perfectly painted imaginary man.

Girls wish for men with money, men with looks, men with the same values, men who are romantic, men who are athletic, men who have a particular eye colour, a particular hair colour, a particular height...

When it comes down to it however, we fall for whoever it is our heart skips a beat for.

Blue collar, white collar... no collar at all...

The Simple Things

Hollywood is illustrious for portraying romance as a huge gesture.

We've got Richard Gere running up building stairs to proclaim his love for Julia Roberts...

Found in my 2008 study notes from my Doush

We’ve got Tony Curtis stealing a giant yacht to impress his crush on Marilyn Monroe...

We've got Meg Ryan who travels across America to Seattle to meet Tom Hanks, a man she heard once on the radio...

While these are some of my favourite movies that I truly enjoy watching several times a year, it is my belief that these huge gestures of romance create an unapproachable and unrealistic idea of romance.

These ideas are beautiful and passionate and sure as hell can make me cry – but one mustn’t forget the small things. The little, simple things that keep a relationship feeling special and new all the time.

I love little notes written throughout my agenda

I love when the door is opened for me

I love phone calls that eventually put me to sleep at night

I love tickle fights

I love cute texts that make me smile

I love holding hands

I love skating together in the winter

I love lounging together in the summer

These small little things are what truly make my heart warm.

I’m not proposing that Hollywood should stop with the huge bold romances, but perhaps they could create a cute movie of the little things... although, unless one is actually in the swing of the little thing, it probably wouldn’t feel as special or adorable or absolutely lovely.

"Natural" Woman?

Romance is a beautiful thing.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a helpless romantic. I love love, I love Frank Sinatra, I love little notes written on the bathroom mirror and I love dimmer switches.

While I’ve always loved romantic stories, listening to adorable marriage proposals and Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movies, something recently stopped me in my tracks that got me thinking: Aretha Franklin’s A Natural Woman.

I’ve always loved this song: it’s got a great rhythm, great orchestra, great voice... and let’s face it – it is the mother of shower-time belt outs. It wasn’t until I was listening to it today with open ears that something about it made me stop humming and start “hah-ing.”

Looking out on the morning rain I used to feel uninspired
And when I knew I had to face another day
Lord, it made me feel so tired
Before the day I met you, life was so unkind
But your love was the key to peace my mind.

Now, I am definitely not a feministic person, far from it actually, and this opening verse really manages to get under my skin. Aretha sounds undoubtedly pathetic and helpless before she “met her man.” And while that plays a common factor in many fairy tales such as Cinderella or Snow White, I thought we were past the whole “knight and shining armour thing.”

I feel like a woman is really only ready for a relationship when she can entirely adore and love everything about herself as a single individual. Know yourself completely, make your own decisions – make up your own mind, values and beliefs... and then find someone that fits with you.

It is doing this that really makes the natural – and deeply respected – woman.