One or All

"Since birth modern women have been told that we can do and be anything we want, be an astronaut, the head of an internet company, a stay-at-home mom. There aren't any rules any more. Choices are endless. And apparently, they can all be delivered right to your door. But is it possible that we've gotten so spoiled by choices that we've become unable to make one? That part of us knows that once you choose something, one man, one great apartment, one amazing job, another option goes away? Are we a generation of women who can't choose just one from column 'A'? Did we all have too much to handle, or was Samantha right? Can we have it all?"

- Sex and the City

Can Men and Women be Friends...

It's the age-old question: Can men and women be friends?

This question seems to date back for quite some time and I feel that although certain people have managed to make a platonic man/woman relationship work this particular kind of relationship continues to be somewhat of a grey zone and somewhat of a struggle.

In one of my favourite movies of all time, When Harry Met Sally, Harry simply states that men and women cannot be friends.

Please watch:

What defines a friend?

Someone who you enjoy spending time with; someone who you care for and who cares for you;someone who is there for you and vice versa.

There. Simple. We've defined friends in the simplest terms.

Perhaps the tricky part of men/women friendships is when a member of the friendship becomes involved with someone else. Suddenly there is an elephant in the room - and not just on the friendship end but for the intimate relationship side as well.

Boyfriends and girlfriends (though they may smile and make as though they're totally fine with the friendship) will undoubtedly have a strong curiosity about the "relationship" that their other half has with this opposite sex friend.

When the romantic relationship is new and fragile this friendship may not pose a problem, but as partners get more comfortable with one another and suddenly one is saying to their girlfriend: "Hey hun, tonight I'm going to go out with Claire and see a movie," believe me... a fist has (perhaps slightly) but most definitely clenched.

"Why does he want to spend time with her and not me?" "What is he doing with her that he can't do with me?" "If he's going to be doing something girly, or watching a chick flick, shouldn't he be doing it with me?"

Of course the situation is quite identical in a vice versa situation. If a female chooses to spend the night with a guy friend instead of her boyfriend I'm sure there are particular thoughts running through the boyfriend's mind that do not sit well.

So where does this leave us? Is it okay to have a friend of the opposite sex until one is suddenly in a relationship? Is there a loop hole to this problem that doesn't involve gay friends of opposite sex?

In When Harry Met Sally, the movie cuts to five years later when Harry and Sally run into each other again and he attempts to come up with an amendment to his first rule about men and women not being friends:

I suppose there is yet to be a known answer about this situation, at least from this particular blogger.

What if Harry is right and the sex part is always out there between men and women? Can a straight man and a straight woman really and truly have a platonic relationship where feelings of lust and jealousy cease to exist?

If so, what ingredients do these types of men/women friendships require? Does one friend have to be ugly? Do both friends have to be in a relationship? Does age play a factor? Do hang-outs have to include more than just the two friends?

Perhaps the answer is to try to block out these questions and just have a good time with a friend that you thoroughly enjoy being around. And until boyfriends, girlfriends and unavoidable questions come along just take pleasure in knowing you've got a Harry... or a Sally.

Double Standard

Just getting this out here before more than one person reads my last blog... but I just posted it this morning so I should have a few days ... However....

One of my best friends, Danielle pointed out to me that my last blog (Lady Like) was well-written, she got/understood the message but she brought up a good point: I've definitely made it seem as though there's a double standard.

Hmm... I will agree with her. There are many double standards in this day and age - far less than there were decades ago, but nevertheless they still exist.

There are certainly double standards that benefit or limit both males and females and while we can imagine living in a "perfect world" where double standards don't exist I suppose we must simply grin and bare it in the meantime.

One may ask me: so why can't men be GENTLEMEN when it comes to sleeping around? Why is it just up to women to be LADIES? Hmm... should I use what seems to be an obvious double standard to answer this question?

Women are smarter?

No, I won't. I suppose I'll simple say: to each his (or indeed, her) own.

Perhaps I expect too much from women and that could be a double standard against men that I should be working on getting out of my head.

Until next time, stay classy San Francisco.

(Pun intended on closing line)

Lady Like

"Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember." - Sex and the City

Where have all the ladies gone?

I'm not talking about females in general, we've been seeing more and more of us women out there in the "real" world haven't we?

I'm talking about ladies. Women with class. Women with dignity.

I'm all for pro-choice and through this I am pro-lifestyle. Everyone can act the way they want so forgive me if this blog is about to sound preachy.

With having a choice to take the house-wife role or the independent-business-woman role (or both if you can handle it - woo Mom!) I have continued to find a certain trend in the women that have chosen the "independent role."

There's this "I am me; I do what I want, who I want, when I want" attitude that seems to be very popular recently. There is nothing wrong with this. We can do whatever we want.

Believe me, I am very independent myself. In fact, I'm all for being self-sufficient and in charge - however there is most definitely a way about doing it.

What am I talking about?

I'm talking about sex. Relationships. "Quick choices" if you will.

Somewhere along the lines, it is my belief that women have come to believe that independence and sexual expression are one in the same.

For goodness sake's women, please have some self-respect and be classy.

If you choose to sleep around or have exciting but ever so quick relationships, attempt to do it with a bit of grace and fabulousness.

There's a reason why many women often refer to men as pigs: because of the way many men speak about women, the way many men recklessly demote women and laugh about it later... you're feeding fuel to the fire!

I'm thinking Samantha Jones may have had something to do with this movement which breaks my heart because this is not what Samantha Jones is about. Women are distorting her message - they've read too much into it and they're turning it into a negative outcome.

Samantha Jones is one of my idols! She has a fabulous career, solid friendships and an extremely hot sex life. Yes, she's had sex with many, many, many men but she did it in an elegant and tasteful manner.

She did not go around shouting from the rooftops that she's had sex with another man; she didn't use vulgarities that devalued her... she was refined. Of course she had some rare moments when she felt she had to make a statement - but these are the few times when Samantha seems weak - not strong.

I suppose my message is: ladies... be ladies! You may think you're taking two steps forward but you are in fact, taking five steps back.

Samantha: Relationships have declined since women came out the cave... ...looked around and said, “This isn't so hard.”

Carrie: So you don't need a man, but do you still want one?

Samantha: I want more than one.

Carrie: I can't decide whether you represent our future or our demise.

Samantha: I am the future!

rude

I'm all for sexually expressive songs and music that can create illusions in your head... But this song is just what the title says: rude. Rhianna's blunt new song is vulgar and gross - not to mention extremely annoying.

What ever happened to females acting lady-like?

I'm not one for saying girls shouldn't be wild and crazy and have a good ol' time... but when is the line crossed? When does a woman stop appearing free and fun and begin to appear and shallow and trashy?

Feminists are all for promoting women raising their voices, having voices.

However, when all women have to talk about is demeaning lyrics such as "boys getting it up" it's like taking one step forward and two steps back. Smarten up.

I think back to Audrey Hepburn and Jane Russell and the vast amount of respect these women had and how that is something that is hugely lacking in our day and age.

What do you think of this video? Better yet: the lyrics?

"Natural" Woman?

Romance is a beautiful thing.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a helpless romantic. I love love, I love Frank Sinatra, I love little notes written on the bathroom mirror and I love dimmer switches.

While I’ve always loved romantic stories, listening to adorable marriage proposals and Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movies, something recently stopped me in my tracks that got me thinking: Aretha Franklin’s A Natural Woman.

I’ve always loved this song: it’s got a great rhythm, great orchestra, great voice... and let’s face it – it is the mother of shower-time belt outs. It wasn’t until I was listening to it today with open ears that something about it made me stop humming and start “hah-ing.”

Looking out on the morning rain I used to feel uninspired
And when I knew I had to face another day
Lord, it made me feel so tired
Before the day I met you, life was so unkind
But your love was the key to peace my mind.

Now, I am definitely not a feministic person, far from it actually, and this opening verse really manages to get under my skin. Aretha sounds undoubtedly pathetic and helpless before she “met her man.” And while that plays a common factor in many fairy tales such as Cinderella or Snow White, I thought we were past the whole “knight and shining armour thing.”

I feel like a woman is really only ready for a relationship when she can entirely adore and love everything about herself as a single individual. Know yourself completely, make your own decisions – make up your own mind, values and beliefs... and then find someone that fits with you.

It is doing this that really makes the natural – and deeply respected – woman.