Can Men and Women be Friends...

It's the age-old question: Can men and women be friends?

This question seems to date back for quite some time and I feel that although certain people have managed to make a platonic man/woman relationship work this particular kind of relationship continues to be somewhat of a grey zone and somewhat of a struggle.

In one of my favourite movies of all time, When Harry Met Sally, Harry simply states that men and women cannot be friends.

Please watch:

What defines a friend?

Someone who you enjoy spending time with; someone who you care for and who cares for you;someone who is there for you and vice versa.

There. Simple. We've defined friends in the simplest terms.

Perhaps the tricky part of men/women friendships is when a member of the friendship becomes involved with someone else. Suddenly there is an elephant in the room - and not just on the friendship end but for the intimate relationship side as well.

Boyfriends and girlfriends (though they may smile and make as though they're totally fine with the friendship) will undoubtedly have a strong curiosity about the "relationship" that their other half has with this opposite sex friend.

When the romantic relationship is new and fragile this friendship may not pose a problem, but as partners get more comfortable with one another and suddenly one is saying to their girlfriend: "Hey hun, tonight I'm going to go out with Claire and see a movie," believe me... a fist has (perhaps slightly) but most definitely clenched.

"Why does he want to spend time with her and not me?" "What is he doing with her that he can't do with me?" "If he's going to be doing something girly, or watching a chick flick, shouldn't he be doing it with me?"

Of course the situation is quite identical in a vice versa situation. If a female chooses to spend the night with a guy friend instead of her boyfriend I'm sure there are particular thoughts running through the boyfriend's mind that do not sit well.

So where does this leave us? Is it okay to have a friend of the opposite sex until one is suddenly in a relationship? Is there a loop hole to this problem that doesn't involve gay friends of opposite sex?

In When Harry Met Sally, the movie cuts to five years later when Harry and Sally run into each other again and he attempts to come up with an amendment to his first rule about men and women not being friends:

I suppose there is yet to be a known answer about this situation, at least from this particular blogger.

What if Harry is right and the sex part is always out there between men and women? Can a straight man and a straight woman really and truly have a platonic relationship where feelings of lust and jealousy cease to exist?

If so, what ingredients do these types of men/women friendships require? Does one friend have to be ugly? Do both friends have to be in a relationship? Does age play a factor? Do hang-outs have to include more than just the two friends?

Perhaps the answer is to try to block out these questions and just have a good time with a friend that you thoroughly enjoy being around. And until boyfriends, girlfriends and unavoidable questions come along just take pleasure in knowing you've got a Harry... or a Sally.

Perfect Summary

"I also will not discuss here all the reasons why I did still want to be his wife, or all his wonderfulness, or why I loved him and why I had married him and why I was unable to imagine life without him. I won't open any of that.

Let it be sufficient to say that, on this night, he was still my lighthouse and my albatross in equal measure.

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland."

- Eat, Pray, Love [novel]

Perfectly describing something that was too difficult to put in words at a time.

Nostalgia

I suppose one of the biggest beauties of having a large collection of videos and pictures is the chance to look back on yourself from years ago.

I often look at myself and ask "what was I thinking?" or think about the fun I was having just at that precise moment the photo or video was captured.

What was I feeling? What made me smile like that? In what way were these people in the picture a part of my life back then?

Indeed, I do love looking back but after my nostalgic road trip I sometimes end up feeling a longing for the old days. Don't get me wrong, I love where I am in my life at this moment but every so often, after looking at old videos and pictures, I feel a yearning to go back to that certain place in time... maybe just for even a couple hours.

High school brings up a roller coaster of feelings for everyone I think. Those four years were so enjoyable at times and so dramatically stupid at others. I remember being excited to graduate but at the same time being scared to leave the comfort that high school had always brought me.

Anyway, many people say they'd never go back to high school - that they're happy they're out of there and will never look back. I don't know. There are definitely times when I, of course will cringe at certain high school memories but today I think I'd enjoy going back.

I've just watched a few videos and gone through a few pictures from my high school dance team's NYC trip in grade 12 and I suddenly miss all the people there and all the feelings I felt at that time so much.

I then got to thinking about the people there and what they're doing now. Some I've completely lost touch with and don't have a clue about what they're doing in life and others I haven't seen in quite some time.

Well, here it is: a little high school shout out to those that at one point meant so much to me and to those who still, though not seen as often, should know they have a very special place in my heart.

What To Be

There comes a time of year when a person must look inside themselves... deep into their soul... outreach to every corner of their mind and personality to make one final decision...

What to be for Halloween.

The yearly struggle between choosing something cute or something skanky... something creative or something classic... something that keeps you warm when outside or something that covers pretty much the only body parts that manage to stay warm no matter what the amount of clothing.

I myself have always sprung for creative/cute and am quite proud to say that I've never actually purchased a Halloween costume before.

While I've always quite enjoyed making my costumes, this year I may have to purchase a main part of the costume in order to pull off the creativity I'm going for. Make sense? Probably not.

You'll know more upon seeing this costume I've chosen once I reveal it to the world on October 31.

Have I mentioned I love Halloween?

Double Standard

Just getting this out here before more than one person reads my last blog... but I just posted it this morning so I should have a few days ... However....

One of my best friends, Danielle pointed out to me that my last blog (Lady Like) was well-written, she got/understood the message but she brought up a good point: I've definitely made it seem as though there's a double standard.

Hmm... I will agree with her. There are many double standards in this day and age - far less than there were decades ago, but nevertheless they still exist.

There are certainly double standards that benefit or limit both males and females and while we can imagine living in a "perfect world" where double standards don't exist I suppose we must simply grin and bare it in the meantime.

One may ask me: so why can't men be GENTLEMEN when it comes to sleeping around? Why is it just up to women to be LADIES? Hmm... should I use what seems to be an obvious double standard to answer this question?

Women are smarter?

No, I won't. I suppose I'll simple say: to each his (or indeed, her) own.

Perhaps I expect too much from women and that could be a double standard against men that I should be working on getting out of my head.

Until next time, stay classy San Francisco.

(Pun intended on closing line)

Lady Like

"Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember." - Sex and the City

Where have all the ladies gone?

I'm not talking about females in general, we've been seeing more and more of us women out there in the "real" world haven't we?

I'm talking about ladies. Women with class. Women with dignity.

I'm all for pro-choice and through this I am pro-lifestyle. Everyone can act the way they want so forgive me if this blog is about to sound preachy.

With having a choice to take the house-wife role or the independent-business-woman role (or both if you can handle it - woo Mom!) I have continued to find a certain trend in the women that have chosen the "independent role."

There's this "I am me; I do what I want, who I want, when I want" attitude that seems to be very popular recently. There is nothing wrong with this. We can do whatever we want.

Believe me, I am very independent myself. In fact, I'm all for being self-sufficient and in charge - however there is most definitely a way about doing it.

What am I talking about?

I'm talking about sex. Relationships. "Quick choices" if you will.

Somewhere along the lines, it is my belief that women have come to believe that independence and sexual expression are one in the same.

For goodness sake's women, please have some self-respect and be classy.

If you choose to sleep around or have exciting but ever so quick relationships, attempt to do it with a bit of grace and fabulousness.

There's a reason why many women often refer to men as pigs: because of the way many men speak about women, the way many men recklessly demote women and laugh about it later... you're feeding fuel to the fire!

I'm thinking Samantha Jones may have had something to do with this movement which breaks my heart because this is not what Samantha Jones is about. Women are distorting her message - they've read too much into it and they're turning it into a negative outcome.

Samantha Jones is one of my idols! She has a fabulous career, solid friendships and an extremely hot sex life. Yes, she's had sex with many, many, many men but she did it in an elegant and tasteful manner.

She did not go around shouting from the rooftops that she's had sex with another man; she didn't use vulgarities that devalued her... she was refined. Of course she had some rare moments when she felt she had to make a statement - but these are the few times when Samantha seems weak - not strong.

I suppose my message is: ladies... be ladies! You may think you're taking two steps forward but you are in fact, taking five steps back.

Samantha: Relationships have declined since women came out the cave... ...looked around and said, “This isn't so hard.”

Carrie: So you don't need a man, but do you still want one?

Samantha: I want more than one.

Carrie: I can't decide whether you represent our future or our demise.

Samantha: I am the future!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and you and YOU!

My Thanksgiving weekend has been quite amazing. I spent time with the people I really love and got do a lot of things that may not have been great for my waistline but were completely and 100% enjoyable.

My weekend started off with my best friend and that's how you know you're in for a great time. We went grocery shopping and practically cleaned out the place.

We cooked our traditional

Thanksgiving meal and even created our own recipe for potatoes!

The rest of the weekend was filled with Thanksgiving episodes of Friends, spending time with my brother who is home from university, YouTubing and tonight my mom made a meal for the record books: tender turkey, creamy mashed potatoes, scrumptious stuffing, steaming vegetables and smooth gravy.

Basically right now I am just incredibly thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I'm so thankful (and lucky) for my family and friends, I'm so

thankful for all of my good fortunes (my education, my job, my abilities) and I'm thankful

as well to all of you reading this!

I hope all of your Thanksgivings have given you a moment to pause and realize how precious life is and how we can truly appreciate life when we are thankful for it.

Does this make sense? Hope so. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

There are certain movies that totally get me into the holiday spirit

and for Thanksgiving, Planes, Trains and Automobiles definitely takes the Cake Pumpkin Pie.

The Break-Up Rules

As Charlotte York once quoted, "it takes half the amount of time you dated someone to get over them."

There continues to be an ever so quickly growing list of the do's and don'ts of break-up steps to get over the person whom you once shared an intimate relationship with...

• Get rid of all pictures together
• Delete their number from your phone
• Hide presents they gave you
• Get drunk with friends on would-be anniversary

All of the above are little tricks and tips handed down from woman to woman trying to get over and stop wanting to get under an ex.

These "rules" - if you will - all pertain to one’s personal benefit. But what about the other rules? The do’s, the don’ts and the politics of the break apart from a person.

For instance….

When is okay to ask them for your movies back?

“Hey, I’m sorry for breaking your heart, but can I have my Back to the Future DVDs back?”

How about when you can give them back their stuff?

Is dropping old shirts, movies, hairbrushes, and cell phone cases in the mailbox bad taste?

How about birthdays and holidays?

Is wishing them a happy birthday or Merry Christmas leading them on?

How weird is it that at one point in time two people were totally in sync, totally in love, totally comfortable, totally natural with one another and suddenly there are questions upon questions on the proper way to communicate – or if to, at that.

Modern Family

I'm hopping on the bandwagon and have just finished my very first episode of Modern Family.

I think Modern Family is an extremely creative concept on many levels. While I already quite enjoy the comedic mockumentary aspect I think that the idea of showing real families is incredibly - and humorously - enjoyable.

Of course shows that display the "perfect family" are truly enjoyed by people like me (Full House, The Brady Bunch, Family Ties, etc.) however, there is something about the honesty and brutality of the real family that is truly entertaining.

One of my favourite television shows growing up was Roseanne - a show which did not include the perfectly fit and always hair-and-make-up-ready mother like Mrs. Brady but instead a rather fuller-figured Roseanne Barr who never hesitated to give one of her kids a firm backhand or tease her husband rather harshly.

The three Connor kids on Roseanne dealt with real issues like pregnancy, smoking, drugs, alcohol as well as an unwed aunt with two kids.

Few would look back at this show however and think of it as a nasty, awful show that displayed a loss of humanity. No, people look back on a hilarious show that had people connecting to real issues and relatable humour.

On that note, I'd just to like to express my excitement for perhaps a new addiction: The Modern Family.

Welcome Back

While I have quite a few passions and hobbies, two of my most darling passions are writing and video-making.

Last year I wrote approximately 80 blog entries which mostly involved me procrastinating late at night and wanting to share what was on my mind with the world; with cyberspace; with anyone who would listen really.

I decided then to stop writing for a while when I finished school for the summer and focus only on my video-making fun. I strongly encourage you to check out my channel.

[ Insert shameless self-promotion here: www.youtube.com/meltab27 ]

I will continue to make my videos as they are my most beloved fascination at this point but I have truly missed the pleasure and rush I also get from writing on my dear old blog.

So here we go. Cheers to another school year. Another late night. Another adventure. Another story. Another thought. Another question. Another answer.

Another blog entry.