February 14 is probably one of the most controversial holidays on the calendar. This day stirs up an intense amount of emotions and passion - not all good, not all bad. When I was a little girl it meant that I got to spend all February 13th writing class members' names on cute little red and pink cards my mom and I had purchased from the drugstore. It also meant that the next day I got to consume candy by the tons. It meant that I received adorable little presents from my parents like lovebugs, teddy bears, movies, etc.
Perhaps one of my favourite parts about Valentine's day as a young girl was the excited feeling in my stomach or the skip of my heart when I'd open up my Valentine's Day basket that our teachers always helped us create. These baskets would hold all of our cards and candies from classmates.
Would someone make a card for me? Would my crush remember how to spell my name? Would someone make their card or candies to me extra special?
Who? What? Why? These questions seemed so exciting.
As I got older I embarked different feelings about this day. My first Valentine's day with a real boyfriend was when I was in grade 10. He went all out: made a delicious dinner, got me roses, danced to my favourite songs with me. It all seemed very romantic. The next day we got in a fight and briefly broke up.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more angry than upset about the break up. What had all of that Valentine's day sentiment even meant? Was it all just a show? Was it society's standard and pressure that made him do all of that special stuff on Valentine's day even if it meant nothing?
I grew a hatred for this day. How could Hallmark and the chocolate companies create such a shallow holiday? Did Valentine's day mean nothing? Should couples not be treating each other amazingly every single day? Should they not always appreciate each other and spoil each other with love?
For the next four Valentine's days I was against the whole conspiracy. I had boyfriends for three of the four Valentine's days and urged that we do nothing special. No sappy love songs, no flowers, no chocolate. I didn't want anything of the sort.
That brings me to today. February 14th 2011. Valentine's Day. Single. Adoring the idea of today.
Why? It's difficult to say.
I had thought I'd always feel disgust when it came to this day. I had been the one that denied all of the cuteness and sweetness of this day from my past two boyfriends for the past several years! Why the sudden change?
Perhaps it's the key aspect that I am single this year. The past three Valentine's days have been times when I'd been in a long-term relationships. I thought that this day was a slap in the face to the relationships that I was in.
Suddenly though, today is mysterious. I'm feeling the same feelings I felt so long ago when I was a little girl in a big class with so many possibilities.
Will I be sent flowers? Will I receive a special "Be my Valentine?" text message? Is someone out there thinking of me? Do I have a secret admirer?
Epiphany!
I have new feelings about this day. I feel like it's a day filled with hope, courage and mystery. In fact, more than ever I feel that this day is meant for the singles. That's what makes it cute and sweet. The mystery. The first gestures. The beginnings perhaps.
So. For the first time in quite a few years I will say the words "Happy Valentine's Day" without a pinch of sarcasm or mockery. I will really mean it. Whether you translate it to "go get the girl!" or "don't be afraid to show your feelings!" or "get the biggest teddy bear you can for them!" I really do mean it.
Happy Valentine's Day.
